I’ll have to do further research as to who made this prose. But in the meantime, the eclipse reminded me of this beauty that I randomly came across with some months ago. It was too precious not to share. I only saw the partial eclipse, but it was pretty magical. The dark clouds helped me capture it. I guess that’s how it is. Magnificent beauty is often better seen through the dark.
My soul had not been complete
A most tangled breath
I take each time
How do I get you to stay
Or come back
I’ve lost you, indeed
A piece of mine
Still also haunts you
With all sorts of fire
My soul had not been complete
A most tangled breath
I take each time
For a soul so akin
To just be lost in abyss
However vast it unfolds
Yet so very short, fragile and sad
See me as you did before
My friend and trust
What you once held
Always will be
Because it’s Philippines’ Independence Day, I thought it might be timely to post a poem in my mother tongue. I wrote this years and years ago and I happen to stumble upon it again recently. A translation is at the bottom.
Sayang Akala Ko Ito Na
Masarap ang hangin sa dalampasigan
Niliyo ako ng mga bituwin, mga apoy at ngiti
Hindi ko malimot
Ang malambot na buhangin sa aking likod
Oo, katabi ko siya
Pangarap ang lahat
Ngunit kanyang isip ay wala sa akin
Kasing layo malamang ng buwan
Na wala sa masid
Tititigan mo lamang
Ang maitim na langit na may dilaw
Hindi mo alam
Kung anong misteryo
Hanggang sa wakas
Umandar ang ulap
Ngayon, kita ko na
Ikaw pala’y nagpapanggap lamang
Tulad ng buwan ng gabing iyon
Di tunay ang iyong liwanag
Ako ang araw
I Thought This Was It
Lulling was the breeze at the shore
Intoxicated, I was, with the stars, jolt of fire and smiles
I could never forget
The softest sand beneath my back
Yes, he was next to me
Everything was a dream
But his thoughts weren’t by
As far out to the moon, perhaps they were
Which you couldn’t see
You just stare
At the darkness with some yellow tinge
You don’t know
What mystery lied
The cloud hovered away
Now, I could finally see
It was all pretend
Like the moon that night
Your brightness was not real
I was the sun
Don’t you just hate when you had thoughts an hour ago and you’re scrambling to reimagine just exactly how it was supposed to flow either out of your mouth or pen? Another hour passes and it just wasn’t going to come back. They could be a well-planned anecdote you were going to amuse your BFF with, or a funny line you thought you had in the bag for a meeting. I thought I had the perfect intro for this blog, but they just won’t come back and I’m sorry, but I won’t wait another day, or weeks to get this out. A blogpost had been overdue. As had been my unpublished novel.
We can blame it on my very demanding day job, back-to-back week-long vacations, and hosting my mom for almost a month. (Peace, mommy! :)) I have no regrets, of course. I can only be grateful.
Nevertheless, I came up with a poem last night and it’s written below. (If you’re new to me, I’ve been writing poems since I was 12… and 35, I am now) Take the lines below in any sense that you would like. Be it in writing, life, work, relationships. Who else has had messy chapters they wish they can easily reassemble or rewrite all over again? I sure am raising my hand.
Blank could be the page
I would rather
Than carefree, mindless words
Heart rarely installed
With no presuppose
Pointless gears that run
To revert and fix
With no ease
To succumb and dwell
Until they trickle
That lend life listless
Days gone by from grip
All but without absolution
Once in a while, your day job rewards you, with extravagance. You don’t know how you deserved it. Because more than a handful probably deserved it more. You haven’t shed any more blood, sweat and tears than they have. But someway, somehow, things worked your way.
More than a million (maybe billion?) deserve more your entitlements. You don’t know how things work out. And you realize you are not any more special than the rest.
I feel that that’s the beauty of it – the introspection… The acknowledgement that you are only taking a portion of this universe for perhaps, a cause. Not all for your own self.
To recognize what you have and what others don’t have is a step closer to gratefulness.
Gratefulness is a step closer to acts of kindness.
It just rained that morning, when I visited the Bavaro coast in Dominican Republic for the last time. Right before we left, I sat there in an almost dramatic reflection.
Philanthropy, yes, that is still the goal.
When I stood up, I took a shot of that lonely 8 o’clock view. The following random thought whizzed out of nowhere.
“Goodbye, my love”, said the beach. “Go now, go now, before I shed my tears. I will see you soon and you shall feel my warm breath again, perhaps in a different form, a better time and another place…”
[I had the post below drafted 2 weeks ago, before I went down with a bug and infection (yuck). I thought twice about posting this, but I couldn’t help it, sorry. But hey, anyhow, welcome to my blog! This chronicles scrappy thoughts, writing inspirations, updates, heart (or lack of it). I’ll try my best to make this as interesting as possible and more for everyone’s good. Feel free to comment and share, friends. Xo]
Under a dark cloud, I had allowed myself to be in the past few weeks. Who doesn’t wallow once in a while? I deem it’s the healthiest and irrefutable truism one can recognize in oneself. Shadowing depression usually was self-doubt. When one questions its place in this world, one tends to fold in itself. No matter the reminder of open-minded and kind purpose, sometimes one allows to be in a trance – floating by and about with its confidence slowly seemingly awash as well. One can only be human.
But I can only be weak so much. These womanly hormones, man they really get to you bad. It took a long conversation with a friend about future career or business plans for me to realize what it was I truly want to pursue. After a two-week hiatus from my first novel, thank God, I have renewed hunger to finish what I started. I had so much momentum in the beginning and the editing stage had me literally staring unto my laptop for hours with zero output.
My content editor advised for me to get out of the minds of a couple of my sub characters (rookie
mistake tendencies, of course, on top of so many). This had been a large undertaking that had me thinking, rethinking and then calling it quits. This meant that I have to redo so many chapters all throughout the novel. I now have a few solutions in mind. The key word was “few”. More tinkering is to be done.
I have to remember that my editor thought that my protagonists were very strong. They held their own. I can add more dimension if I’d like, but she thought I did them pretty well. She also felt really good about the “theme” of my story. I won’t quote her though this time – I’m not about to give spoilers.
Like what I told my friend, so what, if this doesn’t pan out well? I can only charge this to my very own experience and education in creative writing. If this does turn out really well, it would be so fantastic! If not, then I am jumping onto my next one.
When is it ever wrong to follow your well-meaning life passion?
Indeed, it’s time yet again to light my wick up.