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Missing Pieces

My soul had not been complete
A most tangled breath
I take each time

How do I get you to stay

Or come back

I’ve lost you, indeed

Perhaps

A piece of mine

Still also haunts you

With all sorts of fire

My soul had not been complete

A most tangled breath

I take each time

Unthinkable

For a soul so akin

To just be lost in abyss

However vast it unfolds

Yet so very short, fragile and sad

See me as you did before

My friend and trust

What you once held

Was yours

Is yours

Always will be

 

 

Something Filipino

Because it’s Philippines’ Independence Day, I thought it might be timely to post a poem in my mother tongue. I wrote this years and years ago and I happen to stumble upon it again recently. A translation is at the bottom.

Moon

Sayang Akala Ko Ito Na

Masarap ang hangin sa dalampasigan

Niliyo ako ng mga bituwin, mga apoy at ngiti

Hindi ko malimot

Ang malambot na buhangin sa aking likod

Oo, katabi ko siya

Pangarap ang lahat

Ngunit kanyang isip ay wala sa akin

Kasing layo malamang ng buwan

Na wala sa masid

Tititigan mo lamang

Ang maitim na langit na may dilaw

Hindi mo alam

Kung anong misteryo

Hanggang sa wakas

Umandar ang ulap

Ngayon, kita ko na

Ikaw pala’y nagpapanggap lamang

Tulad ng buwan ng gabing iyon

Di tunay ang iyong liwanag

Ako ang araw

 

I Thought This Was It

Lulling was the breeze at the shore

Intoxicated, I was, with the stars, jolt of fire and smiles

I could never forget

The softest sand beneath my back

Yes, he was next to me

Everything was a dream

But his thoughts weren’t by

As far out to the moon, perhaps they were

Which you couldn’t see

You just stare

At the darkness with some yellow tinge

You don’t know

What mystery lied

Until alas

The cloud hovered away

Now, I could finally see

It was all pretend

Like the moon that night

Your brightness was not real

I was the sun

Messy Chapters

Don’t you just hate when you had thoughts an hour ago and you’re scrambling to reimagine just exactly how it was supposed to flow either out of your mouth or pen? Another hour passes and it just wasn’t going to come back. They could be a well-planned anecdote you were going to amuse your BFF with, or a funny line you thought you had in the bag for a meeting. I thought I had the perfect intro for this blog, but they just won’t come back and I’m sorry, but I won’t wait another day, or weeks to get this out. A blogpost had been overdue. As had been my unpublished novel.

We can blame it on my very demanding day job, back-to-back week-long vacations, and hosting my mom for almost a month. (Peace, mommy! :)) I have no regrets, of course. I can only be grateful.

Nevertheless, I came up with a poem last night and it’s written below. (If you’re new to me, I’ve been writing poems since I was 12… and 35, I am now) Take the lines below in any sense that you would like. Be it in writing, life, work, relationships. Who else has had messy chapters they wish they can easily reassemble or rewrite all over again? I sure am raising my hand.

 

Messy Chapters

Blank could be the page

I would rather

Than carefree, mindless words

Heart rarely installed

Shifting paths

With no presuppose

Pointless gears that run

To revert and fix

With no ease

To succumb and dwell

Until they trickle

Overused thoughts

That lend life listless

 Days gone by from grip

All but without absolution

Thoughts at Bavaro

Once in a while, your day job rewards you, with extravagance. You don’t know how you deserved it. Because more than a handful probably deserved it more. You haven’t shed any more blood, sweat and tears than they have. But someway, somehow, things worked your way.

More than a million (maybe billion?) deserve more your entitlements. You don’t know how things work out. And you realize you are not any more special than the rest.

I feel that that’s the beauty of it – the introspection… The acknowledgement that you are only taking a portion of this universe for perhaps, a cause. Not all for your own self.

To recognize what you have and what others don’t have is a step closer to gratefulness.

Gratefulness is a step closer to acts of kindness.

It just rained that morning, when I visited the Bavaro coast in Dominican Republic for the last time. Right before we left, I sat there in an almost dramatic reflection.

Philanthropy, yes, that is still the goal.

bye beach

When I stood up, I took a shot of that lonely 8 o’clock view. The following random thought whizzed out of nowhere.

“Goodbye, my love”, said the beach. “Go now, go now, before I shed my tears. I will see you soon and you shall feel my warm breath again, perhaps in a different form, a better time and another place…”

xo

Midnight Oil

[I had the post below drafted 2 weeks ago, before I went down with a bug and infection (yuck). I thought twice about posting this, but I couldn’t help it, sorry. But hey, anyhow, welcome to my blog! This chronicles scrappy thoughts, writing inspirations, updates, heart (or lack of it). I’ll try my best to make this as interesting as possible and more for everyone’s good. Feel free to comment and share, friends. Xo]

Under a dark cloud, I had allowed myself to be in the past few weeks. Who doesn’t wallow once in a while? I deem it’s the healthiest and irrefutable truism one can recognize in oneself. Shadowing depression usually was self-doubt. When one questions its place in this world, one tends to fold in itself. No matter the reminder of open-minded and kind purpose, sometimes one allows to be in a trance – floating by and about with its confidence slowly seemingly awash as well. One can only be human.

 

But I can only be weak so much. These womanly hormones, man they really get to you bad. It took a long conversation with a friend about future career or business plans for me to realize what it was I truly want to pursue. After a two-week hiatus from my first novel, thank God, I have renewed hunger to finish what I started. I had so much momentum in the beginning and the editing stage had me literally staring unto my laptop for hours with zero output.

 

My content editor advised for me to get out of the minds of a couple of my sub characters (rookie mistake tendencies, of course, on top of so many). This had been a large undertaking that had me thinking, rethinking and then calling it quits. This meant that I have to redo so many chapters all throughout the novel. I now have a few solutions in mind. The key word was “few”. More tinkering is to be done.

 

I have to remember that my editor thought that my protagonists were very strong. They held their own. I can add more dimension if I’d like, but she thought I did them pretty well. She also felt really good about the “theme” of my story. I won’t quote her though this time – I’m not about to give spoilers.

 

Like what I told my friend, so what, if this doesn’t pan out well? I can only charge this to my very own experience and education in creative writing. If this does turn out really well, it would be so fantastic! If not, then I am jumping onto my next one.

 

When is it ever wrong to follow your well-meaning life passion?

 

Indeed, it’s time yet again to light my wick up.